just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
