I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am spending my child support on dildos
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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