WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her vagine was all disorganized.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
