New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
