I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
