I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
