Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
