wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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