Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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