i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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