i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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