You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
