I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
