....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
