You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
