She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
