I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dicks are not precious.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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