all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
