pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
