So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
