She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
