I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hippo gnu deer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
