I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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