Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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