when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
do nipples grow back?
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