he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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