From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
