his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
