in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
