I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
