We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
