I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
