how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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