Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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