I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
