i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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