i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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