What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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