You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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