I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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