You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
