The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
