Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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