I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
