My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
