my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
handjob tips. give me some.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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