You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
