I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
