You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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