Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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