I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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