You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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