She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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