My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
