I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
