If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
