i love accidental penises.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize