Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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