Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
