My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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