Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
