I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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