just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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