It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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