So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
