Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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