shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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