i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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