It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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