Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
