what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
