My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
