You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
