Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
