you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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