ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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