those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
