Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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