They should really pass out barf bags in church
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
