I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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